,... he felt better

And the next day, he felt normal again. And still with the sense of it being behind him. We're good.

...and the next day,

Oh, man. Is it already over? For heaven's sake! How did that happen? I'll tell you when I realized it was done. We were talking about hailstorms (they had one in Italy apparently) and I thought, "Hey, we had one of those recently!" and the picture of it happening came into my head: I was standing, ten minutes before my alarm was supposed to wake me, at my window, while the hail rattled like everything. Then it struck me, a strange thought: That was during school. That was infinite time ago. I was worrying about an assignment I had to hand in the same day. Hoooooooly, that seems a million years past.

Although this wave of nostalgia hadn't really struck me until now, and the words "last time" and "forever" became cliché pretty fast, now it's hitting me. I feel the unbearable weight of the need to cry. But I probably won't. It's stupid, and I almost never do once I mention I need to.

It would be nice, however, I think.

. ON THAT NOTE,
I wrote a poem, kinda depressing:

The Last Time

I remember the last time I really cried:
that January, with the girl I liked,
in the gym, talking about suicide.

This is nothing like that,
but my heart disagrees.
I’ve been feeling like nothing has changed
but now something is different in me.

We graduate; the thrill is past,
the last time we’ll be saying “last”.
The grads move on, the teachers give half-hearted chase
but the cars have left, and left no trace.

Step into your door, remove your gown,
hang up your hat, take the tassel down,
put it by the books and cherished letters.
None of it will ever happen again;
your most recent memories are now from a life that is not yours.
When will you make friends like that? Behind what doors?

Last talk last lunch last class last test
last grade last lock last friend last word
last film last group last desk last last
last
last

Now I can remember
a little better.

university before high school

Today I am going to a student advising session at U of T Mississauga. They give you your ID card, your code or something for choosing courses online, your map of the campus and other various whatsits and infomatics. It is like a full induction into the student body.

Afterward, i.e. tomorrow, I'm going to go graduate from high school.
I find that order mildly amusing.

...

My rightmost finger is numb.

spring is ending

We are moving out of the spring of our lives into the summer; there is nothing to be mourned in that. The spring is only a changing, a preparation, for the summer.

Anyway, we are only going away for a short time. We're destined for new life - and to be reborn - and who knows what that entails? Probably not period three classes bringing a stop to our nice sunny lunch on the sidewalk.

volunteer hours

Finally finished all mine yesterday. I had to get in five that I was still lacking. I did like six at the start of my highschool career, and thought to myself, "Wow, I'm sure on the fast track!" The next twenty-five were THIS MARCH. anyway.

It feels kind of good to be unstressed with that. Since, you know, I can now gradjeeate. I wonder if it's how one of my friends said; he said, "Mebbe I ain't doin' the work because subconsciously I don't want to be able to graduate and move away (paraphrased)". Every time I thought about it, my mind was like, "Some other time - there's plenty of time." Then on Friday I was thinking that, and I was like, "Holy crap! No there ain't!" So I went and did it.

Fascinating story, eh?!?! Anyway, trumped my secret fears of leaving, or at least their ability to interfere with my graduation. Let's just hope I find time to study for English on Wednesday, rather than, say, playing games all day.

and after prom.

So. Here we are.
Got back. Took a shower.
Loooong shower.
Wanted to call Melissa. No answer. Funtimes, eh?
Thought to myself, "That cost me $180." Thought to myself, "For that time with my friends, to what limit would I have paid?"
The answer of course is an amount faaaar beyond what I could dream of... I assume it'll go up once we're out of high school.
Well, we have a couple of things to still do together.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

before prom

Right now it's before prom. I have a huge list of tasks to accomplish in my mind. Maybe it'll seem smaller if I put it in writing...

-Find a tie
-Shower
-Avoid eating too much, so as to enjoy promfood...
-Call Denise about rides home
-Call Sam about rides there
-Get driven there
-Do various preparing/dressing up at Ben's house
-Get driven to prom
-Wait for and finally meet Melissa
-Introduce Melissa a million times
-???? HOW DOES PROM WORK ???? (5 hours)
-Afterparty
-Undress to regular clothes
-Sofie's house
-Sleep
-Wake up
-Home
-Shower again, relive memories