I haven't said anything here for a little while.
It feels like I began life about two months ago and ended it now.
Not, of course, that Luke is dead. Far from it. But the person who temporarily lived here is moving out. And I myself will come back in after.
I liked having some company.
I've only even remotely resembled a good person for about the last 30 hours (and not nearly all of them), and it's not a lot of fun.
I never realized before that if it's easy to be good, you're not doing enough...
But through it all, I feel closer to God, anyway.
(I've never felt particularly close to Him, except on a few rare occasions. I'm too intellectual for that; I come to understand some point of theology, back it up from the Bible, answer questions, and have no idea who or what God is.)
But when you think you don't need Him, He breaks you and damn sure you'll come crawling back.
And rightly so. He's the only light or reason I can rely on right now.
God, please override my will with your own... I don't know how to do it, but I want to.
If, that is, He reads my blog... pretty sure nobody does! :P